I’ve seen a few of these videos on youtube and other places. This time it is on College Humor. It’s girls who set up their boyfriends to, well, something that should never be done. I think the problem just may be that these girls don;t realize the pain and damage they could cause. I mean, if I yanked a girl by the hair and dragged her across the ground, I’d be arrested. (I would never do that). That is about equal to the pain that these insane women cause these men.

Brandon Lee was famous for two things. The first, he was the son of the legendary Bruce Lee and the second was the freak way he dies, being shot on the set of the movie The Crow. Ernest Borgnine is well respected Academy Award winning actor who career spans almost 60 years. Somehow the two of them starred in Laser Mission, a horribly bad, unintentionally funny film from 1990.

Originally released under the title Soldier of Fortune, it is now part of the public domain, so you can find copies from a very reasonable price. Look for it in the discount bins. I got my copy in one of the 50 movies for $15 deals.

[See post to watch Flash video]

Our Hero, a wisecracking Michael Gold (Lee) is sent to get a laser specialist named Dr. Braun (Borgnine) do defect to the United States. On the way he there are bad guys, a beautiful girl, who may or may not be Dr. Braun’s daughter, and two Russian soldiers who are the “comic relief”.

Here is a sample of the intense dialog as Gold takes the Mission

The jokes are horrible, the plot is ridicules, Borgnine’s ascent comes and goes, and the acting is poor to say the least.

The film was directed by a BJ Davis. We won’t ask why he is called Bj. Bj is a stunt stunt coordinator, who does work for a lot of forgettable films, acted in such filmes as Sorority Girls and the Creature from Hell and has directed 13 different projects including Charlie Sheen’s Stunts Spectacular. I want to meet the people that would hire him as a director after seeing this piece of crap.

The writers, David A. Frank and Phillip Gutteridge never did anything before or after this. I think you can watch this “masterpiece” and understand why.

Here is a bit between Gold and Customs. Will the humor never stop!

Gold meets Dr. Braun.

On the copy I was watching, the theme song’s sound quality sounded as if someone had recorded it with a small cassette recorder, with a little plastic microphone which was underwater. It’s not good. However, the voice sounded so familar, and I thought, Mark Knopfler. I looked it up and discovered it David Knopfler, Mark’s brother who left Dire Straits because they were getting too big.

About the only thing I can say about this film that’s any good is the fact the blond love interest, played by Debi A. Monahan, always shows a lot of cleavage. Debi would spend the rest of her career is sitcom, guest star hell. The female half of the comic relief duo, the wacky Russians, does show her talents through a wet shirt, so that is something for the guys.

A little sexual tension between Gold and the blond.

And the best part of this film is the fact that, for some reason, the Russians use bits of Spanish when they speak. This film has got to be watched to be believed.

This gets 4 out of 5 starts on the “So Bad it’s Good” rating.

Finally we find out who is who!